Discourse with the Swiss
I’ve made it to Frankfurt airport, from which I’ve uploaded this entry for your real-time enjoyment. But first, let me recap my last two weeks of titillating discourse with the relocation company, my company, and the Swiss corporate housing folks.
It goes something like this:
Monday, January 7, 13 days till Zurich: Discover by accident that I’m supposed to secure my own corporate housing. Have a person from the relocation company casually tell me that I need to contact person A at my company in Zurich. I email person A frantically asking for housing and apologizing for the last minute request despite the fact that it’s not my fault.
Tuesday, January 8, 12 days till Zurich: Person A mails me back and tells me that actually, I need to contact person B at the Dublin office. I mail person B, apologizing again.
Wednesday, January 9, 11 days till Zurich: Person B responds with a list of two possible corporate housing companies, along with person C and person D, instructing me to get in touch with them “immediately” to set things up myself. I spend Wednesday going through every possible apartment, writing down pros and cons, before mailing the companies since it’s now too late their time to call. I email person C and person D.
Thursday, January 10, 10 days till Zurich: No response from person C or D, and it’s now late in the day my time. I fill out the online form on both sites hoping to get a response that way. Too late to call.
Friday, January 11, 9 days till Zurich: Still no response from person C or D. I try calling person C early morning Chicago time, but the phone rings forever and doesn’t go to voicemail.
Saturday, January 12 to Sunday, January 13, 7 days till Zurich: My request sits over the weekend while I leave for Chicago. There’s nothing to do now but eat Giordano’s and wait.
Monday, January 14, 6 days till Zurich: Person D finally emails me back saying that he has no vacancies for all of January and February. A little bit of panic now here. I email person B in Dublin to escalate the issue. Person B is at least congenially helpful, and says he will contact person C for me tomorrow. Late that night, I receive an email from person C with an offer on two possible apartments, only one of which will work, and no instructions on what to do next. I of course forget to email person B back telling him someone has contacted me, but I do mail person C back explaining that yes, I do want the apartment and I need instructions on what to do next.
Tuesday, January 15, 5 days till Zurich: Person B mails me back saying that he called in the morning and the phone rang forever with no voicemail. He calls again later that day and reaches person C, who says he’s already working with me. I suppose this is technically true, even if I’m pulling my hair out.
Wednesday, January 16, 4 days till Zurich: No response from person C to my last email. I try calling but the phone rings forever.
Thursday, January 17, 3 days till Zurich: Person C actually calls me at 9:30 a.m. Chicago time. I pray to God that my cell phone doesn’t cut out on the 29th floor of Superstar’s high rise apartment. Person C tells me that no, he doesn’t need my credit card or any proof that I’m even who I say I am. He says he’s going to bill my company. He also says he’s going to leave the key for me in the mailbox, although he only offered that information after I specifically asked for it. “Is there a key for the mailbox?” I ask. “No,” he says, and offers no other explanation. How in the world is this secure? You can’t tell me the Swiss don’t even have to lock their mailboxes, even when they contain the keys to someone’s apartment. I’m totally confused. He says he’ll email me with details. Ok. He mails me five hours later and writes, “You will need a code to access the mailbox.” I want to scream. I write back and ask him to send me the code to the mailbox.
Friday, January 18, 2 days till Zurich: Person C mails me back saying that I need to provide him with a code for the mailbox. This time I actually scream. I send him a code. He writes back three hours later saying that he received it, and that’s the last I’ve heard of it.
While I realize there’s a significant time zone gap here, a language barrier, limited time, and mistakes made on my part, this still doesn’t dismiss the absolute lack of explanation at every step in this process. The best part is, person C told me that the number I’ve been calling that rings forever is a 24 hour hotline and I can call it any time to get help. Needless to say, if I’m having a heart attack and need defibrillation, I won’t be calling that number.
There’s still fifteen-thousand things that could go wrong before I actually get to the apartment, and even after I get to the apartment, but I’ve made it to Frankfurt so far with only a bad landing (think double-bounce on the back landing gear), I’m still alive, and I haven’t lost my passport, wallet, boarding pass, money, or glasses yet. Amen to that.
